Proud

I have a wonderful husband and love when he teaches me about God through is his example.  I love seeing God work in him and through him.  Right now, I am getting to watch God transform him; it is amazing.  I am learning so much.
Troy was being very honest during his first sermon in the Fireproof series when he said that marriage is a difficult thing for him.  It always has been.  He is a fiercely independent man...so to function as half of one whole is completely contrary to who he is.  In twelve years of ministry, eight of which spent preaching once or twice weekly, he had never preached on marriage.  On purpose. 
Having said that, what has been happening with Jason has really affected Troy in a great way.  I think that helping Jason through the extreme difficulties in his marriage has helped Troy appreciate our marriage more...not that I am thankful for the pain that Jason and Shauna have been dealing with, but it has given Troy the opportunity to be obedient to God in a way I never thought he would. 
Saying yes when God asked him to offer to do marriage counseling taught me 2 things about my husband.  First, he loves Jason more than I understood.  He never would have considered doing this for someone else...he never has before.  Secondly, I realized how committed to Godly obedience he is.  He knew (because John told him) that if God was laying it on his heart to offer and he didn't and they ended up divorced, Troy would feel responsible...because he would be responsible.  Troy understood that as a shepherd of the flock God entrusted to him, he had a responsibility to care for each one as God asked him to.  God asked him to tend to Jason and Shauna.  Troy is what God is using to mend them. 
Our marriage is reaping the benefits of his obedience.  Troy appreciates me more, shows his love more actively...demonstratively.  He is more considerate, slower to anger with me, more graceful.  I am so proud of Troy...that he is willing to obey...week after week...it's hard work.  Sometimes I wonder if all the hard years were worth it to be at this place now.

Pursuit of Discipline

So, if you've read the more about me page of the blog you already know that I lack self-discipline in certain areas.  I have decided that I need to pursue discipline in a few specific areas but in general as well.  Being disciplined whether by cutting out bad things or adding good things in a consistent manner is a character trait that I admire and think God does as well.  There are some worldly things I want to cut out and some spiritual disciplines I want to develop more in my life.  Here we go...

Say it ain't so...

So, I love the song California Gurls by Katy Perry.  (I know...guilty pleasure)  I was confused, though, because I thought she was British.  I guess I thought that because there was the whole who is better her or Lily Allen thing when I Kissed a Girl first came out...also because of the Russell Brand connection.  Anyway, so I was thrown off because her song is about how wonderful California girls are...and she isn't one...right?  So, of course, I googled her.  She is in fact from California...Santa Barbara to be exact.  Not interesting enough to blog about.  But I also found out that her parents are ministers.  Everything I read said that she was raised in a Christian home with limited outside influence, going to Christian schools and only being allowed to listen to gospel music.  UGH.  I am so frustrated.  I don't know if you have heard either of the aforementioned songs, but I NEVER would have guessed that they came from a good, Christian girl.  Between her and Jessica Simpson, the secular world must have an awfully skewed view of what it means to be in ministry or grow up with parents who know and love the Lord.  Joe and Tina Simpson are horrible examples of Christian parents...but they are the ones the MTV audience know.  We have such a responsibility to be lights in this dark world, but how can we overcome the worldliness of the ones the world thinks are the set apart ones?!?!

Worthy of My Praise

He is jealous for me,

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,

And I realize just how beautiful You are,

And how great Your affections are for me.

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,

I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,

When I think about, the way…

He loves us.

How He Loves Us. 

I was thinking I wanted to add my thoughts but these words are such a beautiful picture of my God.  There is nothing to add.  I want to be like Mary with these words and ponder them in my heart.  How He Loves Me.

Tara's Question

Let me start by saying Tara is a wonderful young woman who is actively, thoughtfully pursuing Christ.  I have often been blessed by her earnest, pure pursuit for deeper understanding of our Savior.  I hope her passion and desire for truth never fade.  So her question on Friday was this...

If God created woman to be a helpmate for man, does that mean without a man, a woman cannot fulfill the purpose for which she was created?  Sub question:  Are women incomplete with a man? 

Interesting thought. 
My initial reaction as an American woman was - of course a woman can be all that God created her to be without a man.  That didn't last long.  As I dove into Scripture in my mind, I went to several different passages that speak to marriage.  The one that popped into my head first was Isaiah 54:5 "For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth."  This verse speaks to God's provision and, though, the idea of the Lord being our husband...our bridegroom is all over Scripture, it does not really answer the question.  The next passage was the one in 1 Corinthians where Paul speaks about how it is good not to marry.  But, as Tara pointed out, Scripture has wonderful stories of women pursuing or preparing themselves for men.  In fact, it is hard to find many women in Scripture who are not or have not been married.  My initial reactions are also obviously colored by the fact that not only am I married but my marriage is very much a ministry partnership.  I definitely feel called to be my husband's helpmate.  We fit together.
I was still a long way from an answer when the discussion ended.  I came home and studied Scripture more in depth...looking at the Hebrew for helpmate in Genesis, digging deeper into the Isaiah passage and examining what Paul said.  In the original language, Genesis 2:18 has a clear emphasis on the helper belonging to man.  Looking more at the creation story, it says that God made woman from man because it is not good for man to be alone and for this reason man will leave his father and mother and become one flesh.  Another passage that really helped me in answering the question was Matthew 19.  Jesus addresses the same thing as Paul.  Matthew 19:11-12 "Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.  For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."  Jesus clearly says there are some people who aren't meant to be married in order to fully commit themselves to the kingdom.  These two passages seem to contradict one another, huh?
So, through pondering, prayer, studying and seeking Him here's what I think...  We are meant to be in relationship.  God intends for men and women to marry.  We are created to work together for His glory.  Women were created with helping our husbands as our purpose.  We misunderstand when we assume the call to marriage is just for women.  It is clear that men are also called to marriage.  It is not good for man to be alone.  Because woman was created, he is to leave his family.  Men and women are purposed for marriage...unless, God calls them to singleness.  I think that singleness is a specific call of God because it is meant to benefit the kingdom of heaven as Jesus states.  So I guess, the answer is yes.  A woman needs a man...just like a man needs a woman.  BUT, the sub question is a dangerous one.  When we think that anything or anyone completes us other than Christ, that relationship is doomed to failure.  My husband is my partner...in ministry, in raising children, in life.  HE IS NOT MY GOD.  I lack nothing as a child of God.  I am made complete in Christ. 

Isaiah 61:10 "I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

Psalm 57:2 "I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me."

Victory

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

So I am a contemporary worship kind of girl. I like modern praise and worship, but you can't deny the power of the words of some hymns. Whoever wrote Great is Thy Faithfulness or Holy, Holy, Holy or Victory in Jesus...man, those guys knew how to praise! So, driving to church one day I heard a beautiful version of Come Thou Fount...I was mesmerized...

The line that I couldn't get out of my head was "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love" Wow. Isn't that how we feel so much of the time? What is interesting is the deeper you get with God the more you feel the tendency to wander. When we first meet Christ and begin the process of becoming more like Him everyday, it is easy to make a list of the things that we need to stop doing (maybe not so easy to actually stop). When we rid ourselves of obvious sin, He doesn't stop expecting us to change. That is when He gets into our business and asks us to really commit to being completely Christ-like. Even nominal Christians will stop drinking or using foul language or whatever. It is hard to transform or renew our minds...our thoughts and feelings... The 'prone to wander' feelings become as much sin as the act. Jesus says that adultery is committed when we lust and murder when we hate. What sin my thoughts have gotten me into! UGH!

But this hymn is so obviously about victory. When I heard the song on the radio (SpiritFM), I was so struck by the one line that I didn't get that at first. I had decided to share my thoughts on that one line so I looked up the lyrics to the rest of the song. They are profound. What an amazing prayer. "Tune my heart to sing Your grace." Can you imagine a heart filled with the grace of God? "Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise." When you truly examine the mercy freely given without end...if you aren't praising, you don't get it (the big picture, not the mercy. He freely offers that to all of us - just one reason to praise). "Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood." The greatest display of our sweet Savior's love. "Let that grace now like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee." Grace is what allows us to be loved by a holy God. Isn't it amazing...truly awesome that He knows us intimately and still wants anything to do with us. He knows that we are prone to wander even though we love Him. What a God we serve!

My heart longs to be more faithful. My head knows I won't be. I love Him so much for loving me anyway.

Going Down

So, I think that one of the most amazing things about God is the contrast between magificent Creater and intimate Savior.  I love to marvel over how the God of all that I see is the God of me.
One of the times that I wonder over that dicotimy is when I realize He pursues those that are His.  He doesn't need to...He owns the cattle on a thousand hills...He created it all, but I am valuable enough to Him for Him to pursue me when I stray.  It's not just me.  He pursues any wayward child...either through His Word, work, worship...His way or through the circumstances of this world.  To quote Beth "God says to us in our times of sin, 'You can bend your knee or I can break your legs but either way you are going down."
The story of the lost sheep and the story of the prodigal son portray each type of pursuit.  With the lost sheep, the Shepherd goes and searches for the lost sheep.  He seeks the runaway in the gentleness found in our Shepherd.  With the prodigal son, the Father lets the son go and the circumstances of a harsh, fallen...evil world send the son home running.  The lost sheep belonged to the Shepherd as the prodigal son belonged to the Father.  They were His and they both came home...by very different means.  He cared about both of them enough to know what they needed to lead them home to Him.
In my rebellion, my God pursues me the way He knows I will respond because He wants me with Him.  How amazing is that?  I am watching a friend be pursued by a loving Savior.  It's amazing.  It was hard to watch the rebellion especially knowing that the pursuit could be painful, but it's turning out so well.  God is amazing and watching Him work is wonderful.

for T ~ this song make me think of us...

She is Love - Parachute

I've been beaten down,
I've been kicked around,
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith,
In my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

Well I had my ways,
They were all in vain,
And she waited patiently.
It was all the same,
All my pride and shame,
And she put me on my feet.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.

And when that world slows down, dear,
And when those stars burn out, here,
Oh she'll be here.
Yes she'll be here.

They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.
She is love, and she is all I need.
She is love, and she is all I need.
She is love, and she is all I need.

She's all I need.

Testimony

I heard a younger woman say she hated her testimony, and I smiled. That used to be me. I wished my testimony was flashier...more exciting...or at least interesting. Now I know better. I've known Jesus since I was very young...known Him well and have pursued a relationship with Him all my life. My testimony is simple. I was born to parents who know and love the Lord. They have been wonderful examples and teachers of the Word to both my brother and myself. We were raised in the church...not a specific one but the body and bride of Christ. I've always known of Him and at 7, chose to make Him mine. My mom remembers yelling at me that day because I got my church dress dirty playing on the swings...I don't remember much about that Sunday at all. I've grown-up in the Lord as I've grown-up in life. I have continued to pursue Him, and He has pursued me when I have strayed. I have been the wayward child and the faithful follower. He is my portion...my very great reward. My testimony is one of faithfulness...God's faithfulness. I will share it with anyone that asks.

My testimony of God's faithfulness has given me a firm foundation on which to stand when life comes down like a storm all around me. It has taught me where to hide my heart from the prowling lion of this world. I know that the right answer in every situation can be found in the Word of God and through seeking to KNOW Him in every situation. Rebellion is tempered by His sweet grace. Fear is covered by His abudant love. My testimony isn't flashy or grand, but it is true. And I know now, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Confessions of an Heiress...

• God has made me an heir.
• I am a real, live heir of God and co-heir of Jesus Christ.
• Because I am a woman, technically I'm an heiress.
• The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
• As an heiress of God, my life is never left to chance.
• As a member of the New Testament priesthood of believers and as an heiress of God, He is my portion...and I am His.
• I am inheriting a kingdom.
• My inheritance will never perish, spoil or fade.  It's being kept in heaven for me.

Taken from The Inheritance a message series by Beth Moore.

Facebook Status...a Weapon?

The facebook status is a crazy thing.  It is fun to update people on life's happenings and makes informing lots of people at once really easy.  Sometimes we use them to share something we are learning or encourage someone specific.  Unfortunately, so many people have begun using the status as a way to send a hurtful message to someone specific.  Sometimes thinly veiled...sometimes thick with mystery.  We are creating a passive aggressive way to attack people.  God has really been teaching me how dangerous it is...how it can damage relationships.  For the one person the message was meant, there are hundreds it wasn't...but they don't know that.  If you don't have anything nice to say...

Temptation

SO, tonight's Fireproof study was all about temptation. Basically, we have two options as Christians. We can resist temptation or we can run from it. I wonder...which is more spiritually mature? Run or resist...resist or run... First, I think it is worth noting that if you are giving in to temptation the easy answer to this question is that both are more spiritually mature than what you are doing. Going beyond that, though...does it show more faith/discipline/maturity/wisdom to make sure you are so removed from the situation that tempts you that you cannot give in or to be in the situation and be able to say no. I think that there is wisdom in avoiding situations that are tempting...alcoholics shouldn't hang out in bars, people dating shouldn't hang out alone, shopaholics shouldn't have 6 credit cards they can't pay. BUT I think it shows victory to be in a tempting situation and not sin. With the gift of free will, God constantly asks us to choose. He wants us to choose Him over everything else. If we always run from the choice, how can we ever say I choose You over every other love. You are my one desire, Lord. We can't...taking away the option does not mean victory over the sin. Facing temptation head on and saying "Lord, I choose You. I love You more." is victory.