Great Devotion by Lysa TerKeurst

October 27, 2011

You Don’t Like Me

Lysa TerKeurst

“Do not be anxious about anything…” Philippians 4:6 (ESV)

“You are not liked.”

“Who are you to think you could do that?”

“Why did you say that? Everyone thinks you’re annoying.”

“Your kids just illustrated every inadequacy you have as a mom.”

“You are invisible.”

Have you ever been taunted by these thoughts? I have. Why do we let such destructive words fall hard on our souls? Toxic thoughts are so dangerous because they leave no room for truth to flourish. And in the absence of truth, lies reign.

The other day I was discussing something with my husband and I said, “I know you think I’m being annoying and overly protective about this but…”

He stopped me and said, “How do you know that’s what I’m thinking? Please don’t hold me liable for saying things that are really only thoughts in your mind.”

Wow. He’s so right. He hadn’t said those things. I was assuming he was thinking them and operating as if those toxic thoughts were reality.

I think we girls do this way too often. People aren’t thinking about us and assessing us nearly as much as we think they are.

As Christian women we should hold our thoughts to a higher standard. How dare these run away thoughts be allowed to simply parade about as if they are true and manipulate us into feeling insecure, inadequate, and misunderstood! Oh how much trouble we invite into our lives based on assumptions. We are instructed:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me – practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6-9 NIV 1984)

This is probably a verse you’ve read before. But, have you thought of applying it to your every thought…especially the toxic ones?

We are to think on, ponder and park our minds on constructive thoughts—not destructive thoughts. Thoughts that build up not tear down. Thoughts that breathe life not drain the life from us. Thoughts that lead to goodness not anxiety.

So, here are three questions we’d do well to ask ourselves when thoughts are dragging us down.

1. Did someone actually say this or am I assuming they are thinking it?

If they actually said it, deal with it then. If I’m assuming it, that’s unfair to them and unnecessarily damaging to me. Instead of staying anxious, I need to seek truth by seeking God and asking Him for peace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

2. Have I been actively engaging with truth lately?

The more we read God’s truths and let truth fill our mind, the less time we’ll spend contemplating untruths.

Thinking run-away, worrisome thoughts invites anxiety. Thinking thoughts of truth wraps my mind in peace and helps me rise above my circumstances.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

3. Are certain situations or friendships feeding my insecurities?

If so, maybe I need to take a break from these for a season. I need to seek friendships that are characterized by truth, honor, and love.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Good gracious I know this is tough stuff. I know these issues can be more complicated than three simple questions. But it’s a good place to start holding our thoughts accountable.

After all, how a woman thinks is often how she lives.

I think we need to read that one again, don’t you? How a woman thinks is often how she lives. May we think upon and live out truth—and only truth today.

Dear Lord, reveal to me untruths throughout my day that can so easily distract and discourage me. Help me see You and Your truth in all I do. You have taught that only Your truth will set me free. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

2 Poems by My Favorite Author

As For Me As for me and my house
We will serve the Lord.
As for me and my walk
Christ and I are in one accord.
As for me and my heart
Inside is only love.
As for me and my sight
It will only look above.
As for me and my brain
Christ will always be the thought.
As for me and my sin,
That, Christ has already bought.
As for me and my zeal,
Only for Christ it will be.
As for me and my chains,
Christ has set me free
 
Walking the Road

I’m walking along the lonely road
Not a care to see
Jesus comes up to me many times
Can I please set you free?

What should I say? What should I believe?
He says He died for me
Me, I say?
Your sins I died to relieve.

I’m walking along the lonely road
Many cares to see
Jesus comes up to me many times
Can I please set you free?

It’s my way, I know where I am going
It’s my life, my vocation, my route
I can row my own boat thank you
I know where the river’s flowing.
I’m walking along the lonely road
Many cares to see
Jesus comes up to me many times
Can I please set you free?

He comes to me again, a hard time in life…
He comforts me when I tell Him not to
Who is this Man to me?
I realize that He is not just a Man
Who died for me long ago
Lord Jesus be my Guide, and please set me free.

by Troy Borst

Our Words...yikes!

I read this in a blog recently:

Beth Moore had quoted Melissa (her daughter) as saying that most of the time what we mean by ‘real’ is something negative. That struck me like a ton of bricks because something very similar was already in my teaching notes for that night and I took it as divine affirmation I was potentially on the right track.
The point I suggested was that if we find ourselves ending sentences with “I’m just saying”, it may be that what we just said wasn’t our just being real, it was our being real mean. The one who prides herself on ‘telling it like it is” may just need to repent of hatefulness rather than glory in her plain-spokenness. If we are fully aware that we are abrasive and hurting feelings on a regular basis, it’s not the public-at-large’s responsibility to learn to deal with us and our ‘authenticity’. Does that mean our criticisms are unfounded? Not always. But there is a world of difference between speaking truth in love and spewing the truth in hate.

I saw Beth's original tweet with Melissa's comment about people who are being "real" and loved it, but Lisa's following comments just further emphasized the truth of Melissa's words.  Sometimes we think that people who say what everyone else is thinking are refreshing.  But I wonder if the reason everyone else is just thinking it and not saying it is because it is hurtful.
What we like about people who say those often painful truths is that the words were said but that we don't take the hit as having said it.  Often those that "tell it like it is" tout the quality as being brave enough to speak the truth.  I love that Lisa points out the the criticism is often founded.  Harsh words maybe truthful, but are they beneficial?
This past week in Bible study we were studying and then talked about being disciplined.  One area that we talked about having Godly discipline is our words.  Talk about a challenge...especially for women.  Learning to control the tongue is so difficult.  Scripture speaks to it in so many places but so clearly here in James.

James 3:2-12 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. 

Even if you can slow yourself and your emotions down enough to think through encounters you know will be difficult or give opportunity to glorify the flesh rather than God, the reactionary words...ones spoken before they are thought about, will just about kill you if you are consiously trying to change the way you speak.  I have tried to learn to ask myself if what I want to say is beneficial to the person or situation involved.  I am trying to learn to stop and think...pray and ask that question when my immediate emotional reaction feels ungodly. Those two disciplines can be so frustrating because I often end up unable to say what I think or feel...but I guess if my thoughts and feelings were not beneficial or Godly I should be ok with that, huh?  I don't want to say them.
Sometimes, there are hard things that should be said in love and trying to figure out when those times are is hard.  I have learned to pray that God would show me when He wants me to speak by having the other person ask my opinion.  So many times that never happens. They never ask. But, sometimes, we are the person God wants to use to speak His Truth into a situation, and they will ask...then, it is right.  I remember there was one case where someone I love was really wandering far from the Lord. I had such a broken heart over it for my Savior.  I prayed so many times God help me keep my mouth shut until Your time if that ever or never comes.  And then one day he asked me what I thought...I went bug-eyed.  I looked at Troy.  He laughed and said that's what you have been waiting for...go ahead.  The conversation was so blessed by God.
I don't want to be pleased when someone else is hurt by words...mine or someone else's.  The telling it like it is moment of satisfaction is not worth the slip in being disciplined with my words.  A brave woman is a woman of Godly discipline who speaks with love in His time.  I'm just sayin...

Surrendering Hurt Feelings???

So, last night my feelings were hurt.  I got hit right in the love language =(  I'd like to say that I was over it quickly...but that's obviously not the case since I am blogging it this morning.  And, unfortunately, it is going to get worse before it gets better. I think that I understand His purpose in this particular hurt, but understanding doesn't make the situation hurt less. What I would like to know is where do I take this hurt?  How can I react in a way that glorifies God when my feelings are hurt?  How do I cast my cares on Him?  How do I take on His easy yoke and light burden?  I understand that I need to surrender my hurt feelings to Him.  But how do I do that?  No, really...I'm asking.  I've prayed, consulted Scripture, talked it out...how do I surrender these feelings?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could go through life without ever getting our feelings hurt?  Sounds like heaven to me!

It's all good...

I have been thinking a lot about the goodness of God recently.  It is easy to think God is good when things are good.  My life is really good right now.  My kids are happy and making quality friendships with little people who have parents that Troy and I adore.  Troy is chasing professional dreams.  He is BUSY, but he is able to focus on himself right now.  After 2 years of focusing on our children, I know he is happy to be back to a more normal schedule that allows him to focus on work and school.  I LOVE my new job...not a little - a lot.  Good people, fun tasks and laughter...I love the church.  Being there restores my soul.
But what about when life is not good?  When life is hard, do I trust in the goodness of God?  Knowing that God is good is different than feeling that God is good.  When circumstance weigh us down with stress, discontent, unhappiness, depression, frustration, despair, grief, regret, sadness, anger...do I view my life through the heart, mind and eyes of someone who knows that God is good?  That is what faith is, right?  Living life with the knowledge that God is good, that He loves you and that He wants us to know His goodness in abundance.
God is always good...but He is not always sweet.  We face bitter circumstances...life is full of hard things.  Can I believe that God is good even when He is not sweet?  When death comes, when time passes with no answer, when people I love hurt, when provision doesn't come...even then do I know that He is good?  That He is being good to me...that He is working good for me?  Do I live standing firm in the head knowledge and the heart experience that He is not only sovereign but good?
I think that is the catch, isn't it?  He is sovereign.  He reigns.  He can do all things...including change my circumstance.  How do we reconcile the sovereignty of God and the goodness of God?  I guess the answer is faith...that His way may not be our way but His way is still the best way.  God is good, all the time.  All the time...

Refiner's Fire

Here's the thing:  I absolutely want to be His totally and completely...ruined for the name of Jesus.  My desire is to live radically marked by Christ in all areas of my life.  I know that I have a long way to go...(you may even have an opinion on how I am doing in that pursuit - I think that because I certainly have an opinion on how hard I think some people who talk a big game actually follow after Jesus - which goes back to having a long way to go...)  But I am trying to consciously ask Him about everything that I do, everything that I invest myself in, every decision that I make... 
This year that has led to leaving a job and pursuing His desire for me professionally...ending a ministry...and being part of an amazing women's conference.  It has also led to an intense, sometimes painful, look at my relationships.
He has asked me to examine friendships...rekindle old friendships...free myself from feeling like I have to be friends with people who are not worth the effort...seek new, fresh friendships...pursue a deep, meaningful relationship more fully.  And I want to be His.  So I am doing it.  But it isn't easy.  He has made clear that there is a friendship I want to invest in that is not His desire for me.  He has made it crystal clear.  He has even given me a glimpse into why it will not work out the way I want it to.  I can see His way is right...but it still hurts when He reminds me.
Living for Christ is marked by sacrifice.  His way is best...always.  I think I just wish, in this case, that what I want and what He wants for me lined up.