the storms

I was wondering yesterday at what point can you declare an entire year bad. We are into our last third of 2013 and I am ready to call it. I have had more than enough life this year.

As I pondered whether I can declare the state of the entire year in September, Jesus tendered my heart with one more display of His presence. He instantly set me straight.

He said you are measuring this all wrong. You don't see what I see. But you could, if you adjust your gaze. So I looked a little more clearly at my life...I looked through eyes of faith and measured my year by the things that matter to Jesus.

Circumstances have been difficult, but spiritual growth, love, ministry, friendships and faith have a richness that they have never had before.

At the gentle nudging of the Spirit, I was reminded that I have spent more time in His Word this year, my knowledge and faith have been stretched and grown, my dependence on and surrender to Him has been easier and more freeing. I saw a marriage taken to new depths and daily displaying the love of Christ. I see children growing more godly each day and a heart of mission and justice with a call to ministry blossoming. I see ministry growing in new ways with partnerships between churches to grow the kingdom. I smile at the great joy of pouring our lives into the next generation in a very intentional way. He pointed out friendships that have reconnected or strengthened as iron sharpens iron and deep calls to deep. He showed me a deeply content heart...a satisfied soul.

Jesus said from where I stand you have had an amazing year.

He lead me in His Word to two random verses in unfamiliar places to assure me that we are walking these difficult circumstances together and to challenge a heart that questions the way.

His way is in whirlwind and storm, and the clouds are the dust of His feet. Nahum 1:3b

Wherever the Spirit would go, they went, without turning as they went. Ezekiel 1:12b

I have been reading through the prophets this summer. Nahum reminded me that God walks us into the storm. His way travels through the whirlwinds in our lives. But we have so much hope knowing that the storm clouds of life are under His feet. The are but dust He kicks around. He is sovereign over all the whirlwinds and storms. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He has plans for our welfare...our welfare through the eyes of Jesus has always been a spiritual condition. James 1:2-4 tells us that trials are for our mature faith...so consider them joy. His way - the plans He has to lead us to mature faith - is in whirlwind and storm, but He is sovereign.

Ezekiel is seeing heaven (which honestly sounds a bit scary with all those creatures and all those eyes), anyway, in heaven they follow the Spirit, not turning as they go. If I understand that He is working out mature faith in me and know His heart is for me (Hosea 2:19-20), will I follow the Spirit wherever He goes without turning as I go? He challenges me to follow Him on the way He has for me. Trusting Him.

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. - Isaiah 43:1-3

How can I not?

trials of many kinds...

In May, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

The benefit of hindsight tells me that I have been dealing with symptoms for as many as three years or more...not understanding that seemingly unrelated annoyances, like hip pain or anxiety, were all pointing in the same direction. In January, Troy and I decided it was time to figure out what was going on...my symptoms were increasing in severity and I kept telling Troy I think there is something wrong with me. Those four months were spent in doctor's offices, sometimes having as many as four appointments in a week. They were also spent in uncertainty. It was a beautiful opportunity to exercise my faith...to consider a new kind of trial joy.

Did you know that nearly ten million Americans have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia? Chances are I am not the only one you know suffering from what is described in Medical News Today as a severely debilitating affliction characterized by widespread deep tissue pain, tenderness in the hands and feet, fatigue, sleep disorders and cognitive decline.

It has been an interesting challenge to learn how to live with an illness that affects nearly every part of my life and even more challenging to explain it.

I get tired now doing the smallest of tasks. Sometimes getting ready for my day so exhausts me that I need a nap. Earlier this week, talking on the phone for no more than 5 minutes drained all the energy from my body. I get frustrated at times when standing and singing in worship require more energy than I have.

Pain is a constant companion. I seem to rotate through seasons with which body part will hurt. Currently, my arms and hands seem to be most affected.

Most troubling is the cognitive difficulties that I experience. Anxiety was one of my earliest symptoms increasing in severity as time went on. I often have problems thinking clearly especially the earlier in the morning or later in the evening it becomes. I sometimes get words jumbled or misspeak...even stutter. Conversations are difficult because I can forget what we are discussing in the middle of a sentence...or not be able to follow the flow a conversation takes. Unfortunately, this makes me even more introverted than I already am...which is is almost hard to imagine.

God has chosen to make Himself completely known on my journey thus far, and I am so grateful.

God, in His sweet sovereignty, moved me into the perfect job at just the right moment. It is part time...which is certainly all I could handle. My coworkers are absolutely wonderful. My tasks are challenging and fun. My job is such a joy.

Jesus prepared Troy's heart. My husband has filled every gap that my limitations create in our home with a servant's heart and loving attitude. He is so supportive and kind. His tenderness is clearly God given and his willingness to serve me in my illness blesses me daily.

God is teaching my children about His purposes and plans for our lives and how they aren't always what we might choose, but they are always good.

Jesus is showing me His faithfulness and teaching me how precious and necessary it is to depend on Him. There have been nights when I have driven to Bible study in tears because I cannot rub two coherent thoughts together begging Him to lead through me. He always does. He shows me that His grace really is sufficient and He has provided every bit of mercy I will need...His thoughts are better than mine any day.

Jesus meets me in the middle of the night when I cannot sleep but know my body needs to rest. We spend precious moments together discussing the day to come, loved ones and how good He is to me. There are some nights when sleep robs me of this intimate time, but I praise Him for that much needed relief as well.

God brought a crazy dog into our family to provide distraction and companionship. Lily doesn't care if I stutter or forget what I was saying as long as I rub her belly!

God chose an exciting time in medical research about fibromyalgia for me to be diagnosed. Just last month, researchers were finally able to determine the biological cause of the disease which will lead to medicines that actually treat fibromyalgia and not just the symptoms. Hopefully, this research is also the beginning of finding a cure!

Jesus is teaching me to rest and focusing His call to ministry for me. He is making it clear where He wants me to serve and providing for any gaps. In rest, He is teaching me to seek Him. Our time together has been more rich and abundant than I can ever remember.

I thank Him for the good days and praise Him on the bad days. I am asking Him to give me wisdom in how I spend the energy and feel good that I have each day. I have learned that there is a balancing act I must participate in to have more good days. On those days when I feel energized and like I can take on the world, I must restrain my enthusiasm and pace myself, resting often or I will have more bad days. On those days when I feel weighed down and getting out of bed is a struggle, I must push myself and maintain some activity level or I will have more bad days. I have learned to seize the moment, laugh at myself, live with less and seek Him first.

Debilitating illness.

That is not how I saw the rest of my life...but in the last two months, God has been showing up and showing off big and I can take a lifetime of that.

what I learned about God from the election

You may have heard that there was an election last night...maybe. Pretty big night for our country.

I am not big on political statements...I'm not trying to make one here, but I learned a lot about God last night.

Scripture is clear that God is SOVEREIGN even in our election process.

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;

    wisdom and power are his.

He changes times and seasons;

    he sets up kings and deposes them.

He gives wisdom to the wise

    and knowledge to the discerning. 

Daniel 2:20-21

His dominion is an eternal dominion;

    his kingdom endures from generation to generation.

All the peoples of the earth

are regarded as nothing.

He does as he pleases

    with the powers of heaven

    and the peoples of the earth.

No one can hold back his hand

    or say to him: “What have you done?” 

Daniel 4:34-35

I trust that what the Lord wants is what happened and I trust Him...but I have been considering why...mostly because I am fascinated with the ways of Jesus. I want to understand them and live in them.

I will be upfront and tell you that I voted for Romney. I believe that in the absence of a Godly choice, a moral choice is the next best one to make. So prayerful consideration led to me voting for Mitt Romney based on issues like sanctity of life and marriage. I know some of you disagree with me. The beauty of our country and our God is we are able to choose and be heard. I believe that I was obedient in how I voted and still believe that I made the right choice so I am searching for God's purpose. Ephesians 1:11 tells us that the Lord "works all things according to the counsel of His will." So what is His will?

Without claiming to know the mind of God and certain my finite mind does not fully understand, I absolutely believe that God was protecting His Name and reputation. 

Romney serves a false god that he calls by the same name as our God. Zechariah 5:4 says this: The Lord Almighty declares, ‘I will send it {a curse} out, and it will enter the house of the thief and the house of him who swears falsely by my name. It will remain in his house and destroy it, both its timbers and its stones.’ Sobering thought for someone who voted for a man who might have led our country morally but falsely uses the name of the Lord every time he speaks about his god.

God did not allow His name to be tarnished on such a huge platform for years before a country...even world, that already has trouble recognizing His beauty and goodness. The name of the Lord is precious and holy...to be revered and glorified. His desire is clear. The nations will fear the name of the Lord, all the kings of the earth will revere your glory. (Psalm 102:15) &  My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to my name, because my name will be great among the nations,” says the Lord Almighty. (Malachi 1:11). How wise of Him to protect His name! His Name is our hope, our joy, our strong tower, our blessing, our banner, our inheritance.

Last night, I learned that more important to the Lord than moral decisions I make in His Name is the Name I make them in. May the Name of the Lord be as sacred to me as it is to Him.

Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your truth, we wait eagerly for You, for Your name and renown are the desire of our souls. 

Isaiah 26:8