Our Words...yikes!

I read this in a blog recently:

Beth Moore had quoted Melissa (her daughter) as saying that most of the time what we mean by ‘real’ is something negative. That struck me like a ton of bricks because something very similar was already in my teaching notes for that night and I took it as divine affirmation I was potentially on the right track.
The point I suggested was that if we find ourselves ending sentences with “I’m just saying”, it may be that what we just said wasn’t our just being real, it was our being real mean. The one who prides herself on ‘telling it like it is” may just need to repent of hatefulness rather than glory in her plain-spokenness. If we are fully aware that we are abrasive and hurting feelings on a regular basis, it’s not the public-at-large’s responsibility to learn to deal with us and our ‘authenticity’. Does that mean our criticisms are unfounded? Not always. But there is a world of difference between speaking truth in love and spewing the truth in hate.

I saw Beth's original tweet with Melissa's comment about people who are being "real" and loved it, but Lisa's following comments just further emphasized the truth of Melissa's words.  Sometimes we think that people who say what everyone else is thinking are refreshing.  But I wonder if the reason everyone else is just thinking it and not saying it is because it is hurtful.
What we like about people who say those often painful truths is that the words were said but that we don't take the hit as having said it.  Often those that "tell it like it is" tout the quality as being brave enough to speak the truth.  I love that Lisa points out the the criticism is often founded.  Harsh words maybe truthful, but are they beneficial?
This past week in Bible study we were studying and then talked about being disciplined.  One area that we talked about having Godly discipline is our words.  Talk about a challenge...especially for women.  Learning to control the tongue is so difficult.  Scripture speaks to it in so many places but so clearly here in James.

James 3:2-12 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. 

Even if you can slow yourself and your emotions down enough to think through encounters you know will be difficult or give opportunity to glorify the flesh rather than God, the reactionary words...ones spoken before they are thought about, will just about kill you if you are consiously trying to change the way you speak.  I have tried to learn to ask myself if what I want to say is beneficial to the person or situation involved.  I am trying to learn to stop and think...pray and ask that question when my immediate emotional reaction feels ungodly. Those two disciplines can be so frustrating because I often end up unable to say what I think or feel...but I guess if my thoughts and feelings were not beneficial or Godly I should be ok with that, huh?  I don't want to say them.
Sometimes, there are hard things that should be said in love and trying to figure out when those times are is hard.  I have learned to pray that God would show me when He wants me to speak by having the other person ask my opinion.  So many times that never happens. They never ask. But, sometimes, we are the person God wants to use to speak His Truth into a situation, and they will ask...then, it is right.  I remember there was one case where someone I love was really wandering far from the Lord. I had such a broken heart over it for my Savior.  I prayed so many times God help me keep my mouth shut until Your time if that ever or never comes.  And then one day he asked me what I thought...I went bug-eyed.  I looked at Troy.  He laughed and said that's what you have been waiting for...go ahead.  The conversation was so blessed by God.
I don't want to be pleased when someone else is hurt by words...mine or someone else's.  The telling it like it is moment of satisfaction is not worth the slip in being disciplined with my words.  A brave woman is a woman of Godly discipline who speaks with love in His time.  I'm just sayin...