Refiner's Fire

Here's the thing:  I absolutely want to be His totally and completely...ruined for the name of Jesus.  My desire is to live radically marked by Christ in all areas of my life.  I know that I have a long way to go...(you may even have an opinion on how I am doing in that pursuit - I think that because I certainly have an opinion on how hard I think some people who talk a big game actually follow after Jesus - which goes back to having a long way to go...)  But I am trying to consciously ask Him about everything that I do, everything that I invest myself in, every decision that I make... 
This year that has led to leaving a job and pursuing His desire for me professionally...ending a ministry...and being part of an amazing women's conference.  It has also led to an intense, sometimes painful, look at my relationships.
He has asked me to examine friendships...rekindle old friendships...free myself from feeling like I have to be friends with people who are not worth the effort...seek new, fresh friendships...pursue a deep, meaningful relationship more fully.  And I want to be His.  So I am doing it.  But it isn't easy.  He has made clear that there is a friendship I want to invest in that is not His desire for me.  He has made it crystal clear.  He has even given me a glimpse into why it will not work out the way I want it to.  I can see His way is right...but it still hurts when He reminds me.
Living for Christ is marked by sacrifice.  His way is best...always.  I think I just wish, in this case, that what I want and what He wants for me lined up.