Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the expectations of other
people...it is hard to be who you are if people want or expect you to be
someone different.
God fashioned me
with very much the same pattern as my dad which I find beautiful and unique
because I love my dad. I hope that I continue to grow in wisdom,
integrity...and quietness like my dad. The quietness is the part that throws
people off. It is not what people want from me.
I don't know if it
is because I am a woman or pastor's wife, but people expect an outgoing
chatterbox. That is really hard for me because it will never be who I am. I am
not the type of person to approach people and strike up a conversation about
things I find unimportant. Often this is misinterpreted as being disinterested
in people...which is not true. I am far more interested in who people are than
what they do or how their day is going. I never mind truly talking with people,
but I'm not really interested in chatting. I would rather sit in silence
with someone than fill space with words. (I saw this tweet today that sort of
sums up how I feel about small talk: Don't waste
time on things that don't matter with people that do matter.)
This quietness has
never been beneficial in how people form opinions of me. While I understand it,
the opinions people form lead to me feeling the need to apologize for the
beautiful, unique way that God made me. While it hurts my feelings, the benefit
is I have searched the heart of God to really understand and see myself through
His Creator eyes. I want to glorify Him not distract others from Him.
There are some
things about our personalities that the Lord wants to correct. Parts of
ourselves that come with the sinful nature we were born with that do not bring
Him glory...like my tendency toward sarcasm. (He and I are struggling through
refining the words I do say!) Sanctification is a painful process that I am
wholly committed to before the Lord.
Not long ago, with
brokenness in my heart and relationships, I began to ask if quietness is one of
those things that He wants to change into the likeness of His Son? He answered
me in His Word.
Proverbs
10:19 - When there
are many words, sin is unavoidable
Proverbs 17:27 - The
intelligent person restrains his words
Ecclesiastes 5:7
- For many dreams bring futility, so
do many words. Therefore, fear God.
Ecclesiastes 6:11
- For when there are many words,
they increase futility. What is the advantage for man?
1 Peter 3:3-4 – Your beauty should not consist of outward things like
elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes.
Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable
quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes.
I believe that He finds quietness wise and valuable. He thinks
quietness is beautiful...so I do, too. I will continue to grow in
quietness...and continue to be misunderstood.
People are never all that you see...expectations lead to
disappointment. So I am learning to let people be who they are...and seeking to
see the beauty and uniqueness that each person was created with....you know,
treating people the way I want to be treated.
