2012...Resolutions...Goals...Aims...Wants

I hate setting myself up for rebellion. Making resolutions kind of does that for me. I don't believe that rules are made to be broken, but if I can find small ways to break rules, it feeds the rebel in me. So resolutions are quickly broken, not because I can no longer follow through or no longer care, but because it is a small rebellion that really harms no one.
But I do have areas that I want to move toward change in my life in 2012. I feel like sharing those changes even in small ways like in a blog or to my Bible study group holds me accountable. So here is my list:

1) Discipline - I have always been somewhat of a free-spirit. I don't keep a calendar or planner. I am rarely on time, and I often don't think to do basic things. My husband says I live in my own little world (which used to offend me, but now I embrace as part of the unique way God made me). Discipline is hardly a character trait that I naturally possess but having studied discipline a little in one of our Bible studies last year, I realized it is a character trait of God. Jesus is my model in this life. I am chasing after Christ-likeness, so I want to be disciplined. There are several areas in my life I need to strive to be disciplined in. I have a list that began with food and exercise and is moving on to deeper, more difficult areas...specifically prayer and spending.

2) Missional - God has touched my heart and awakened a real awareness and outrage over slavery. I am committed to learning, listening and following the Lord's guidance on how to be intentionally missional in this area. The first thing He is asking me to do is make sure that my consumer voice is heard through the way I purchase. I am having to think hard and have new priorities...I am having to be disciplined in how and where I spend money. We will see where He leads next. I pray I am willing to follow.

3) Prayer - I need a season of prayer. I have so many people who are very dear to me with pressing concerns...which is often true but feels different this time. I feel a call to intercession. Now intercession is not one of my spiritual gifts...it's not even in my top 5 and prayer is sort of a constant state for me and God. We are always in the middle of a conversation. But I feel called to a season of intentional, set aside, extended time of prayer. I am taking the desire to be like Christ in discipline and applying it to this area immediately.

4) This is vastly different from my other goals, but I wanna be a hugger! I actually came to the realization that I wanted to become a hugger sometime in November or December. I am not naturally a hugger, but when I think about the people that I often hug, I recognize a closeness to them I don't feel for everyone. Can a non-hugger become a hugger? Is there a class I can take? What are the rules of hugging? I am most concerned about that awkward time where you try to decide if the other person is receptive to hugging and, by the time you figure out they are, the moment is lost and then you just look stalker weird trying to hug them. Pressure. This is an area I know you can help me with...first, if we have known each other for a long time and I have never hugged you before, please give me grace for the first few times. Second, if I forget to hug you, call me on it. Third, help me out on the hugging rules...do you hug when you see someone and when you leave them or just once during the time spent together...what if you see them 4 times in one day? Is there a daily hugging limit? How well do you have to know a person to hug them? Hugging strangers only if you feel a potential for relationship? What about people you really don't care for? What if someone is dirty? ACK! So many things to consider!

So, that's it! The things that I want to focus on in 2012...or at least this part of 2012 because I definitely want to leave room for God to do an amazing work in another area of my life...there are so many areas that need Him!

One of those days...

It's turning out to be one of those days...

when my spirit is gunked up
when there was too much truth
when relationship is messy
when feelings are hurt
when living in my own little world doesn't leave room for anyone else
when I do things that don't feel wrong but seem to be
when you can't please anyone
when being sorry gets ignored

when I am reminded I have so far to go.

Passion: Life Changing

At Passion 2011, God changed my life. He rearranged my thinking about where I live my life. I don't mean Tampa so much as where I spent my time...where I was dwelling. He seered Psalm 84:10 so deeply into my spirit that I could not escape it until I began living it. I was in a place that did not allow me to live to the glory of God. I began to realize the God has called me to the church (a great realization that I would have done well to clue in on earlier...maybe when I married a minister). I think that I felt like because I was not called to vocational ministry that I could not have been called to the church. Jesus opened my eyes and heart to see that supporting those in vocational ministry is ministry. There is something to be said for paving the way and aiding people that are mouths on this body of Christ. That is what we did as volunteers at Passion. We held the door that let those who came enter into the presence of God. Throughout 2011, I began to see the church as a place to empty myself and realize that there is great need in the church...it is a mission field. When you break down the Great Commission into parts, it asks 4 things of the body of Christ. Understanding that I cannot excuse myself from any part but also realizing that I am only part of a whole body, I am believing more and more that I am called to the fourth task given. Teaching Jesus' commands. My heart is with the church. I rearranged my life to reflect all of this and believe that I am exactly where Christ wants me.

So going into Passion 2012, I had high expectations. I don't know what exactly I expected, but I knew I would be met there by Jesus. Once again, the way that I think has been radically altered. I've realized that there is so much about this world that I am ignorant to that God sees and hates. I cannot remain ignorant and indifferent while ones precious to our Lord are abused, mistreated and enslaved. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. The work of the cross was not just for me...for those in my church...for those that I know. Christ came to set all captives free. How much more for those who are captives both spiritually and physically. 27 millions slaves today. That is unimaginable and horrifying. I am still working out exactly what direction God wants me to go with this heart broken and heavy for those enslaved. For now, I am educating myself and praying for them and the ministries that are heroically laboring for freedom all over the world.

My heart loves the church but yearns to be intentionally missional in the area of human trafficking. I am thankful for a Savior that is also a Sanctifier. I am a work in progress. I remember telling Troy before Passion this year"It can't change your life every year, otherwise you are just a flake." I was wrong. There is still so much work to do on me. God can change my life every year...every day. Please do, Sanctifier.

Our Greatest Struggle

I am becoming more and more convinced that the greatest challenge to a person who chooses to live life in relationship with the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is to pursue that relationship through difficult circumstances. Having faith during difficult times is one thing...a good thing, but being in an active, growing relationship with the only One who can truly change your circumstances is completely different.
It is not in our nature. If someone is repeatedly making our lives difficult, our relationship with that person suffers. Whether the relationship is with your spouse, your child, your parent, a coworker or friend, when one party has the ability to change negative circumstances and does not, that relationship will suffer. It may not end, but interactions will be strained; discussions will be pain filled...maybe, less frequent.
A proper view of God acknowledges that He knows all things, allows all things and can change all things. He is sovereign. He has the first word and the last word in every situation. One who understands God also knows how deeply He loves us. We cannot imagine, explain or escape the love of our Savior. It is without measure.
Knowing both of those foundational truths anchors my faith. Difficult circumstances in our lives seem to run a crash course straight into our belief of those two truths. If God can change my circumstances and loves me deeply, why doesn't He end my pain? From that point, we choose whether or not to have faith in His sovereignty, goodness and love. At some stage during years of maturing our faith, we come to a place when the decision to have faith or not becomes moot. We believe. We trust. There is no question or doubt that He is Faithful and True.
Moving forward in relationship at this point is one of our greatest struggles as believers. We know Jesus. We trust Jesus. We are in an intimate relationship with Him. But how do we pursue the intimacy of that relationship in the midst of painful circumstances...with a list of earnest prayer requests so extensive we don't know where to start? ...when every conversations seems to become tear-filled pleas that have gone without tangible response for what seems like too long to bear? ...when we begin to read Scripture and think "...that isn't true for me"? How do we maintain a good relationship and even pursue Jesus when we are angry at Him?
I have no answer. But I think that James, the brother of Jesus,who knew heartbreak well (most poignantly, the loss of his father at a young age), would say to us:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

I don't think that James is trying to explain why we face trying times or why God answers on His own timetable, but more so, how we should respond to such situations. One more thing that a mature believer understands without hesitation is that our faith is far from complete. No matter how far we have come, we have so far to go. James encourages us to take joy in knowing that Jesus is still at work in us longing for us to look more like Him. He tell us to ask for wisdom as we struggle and not doubt that He will answer our pleas. James gives us the gift of knowing that God will grant us the wisdom for which we ask and that we can stand firm knowing His wisdom is far better than ours. James reminds us that pursuing a relationship with Jesus is worth it because not only will the situation improve so will we in the process.
Hard to live, huh? So true of so much in Scripture. But I've found that every time I choose faith and pursue intimacy with Jesus it is so worth it...every time.

2 Things

(nothing earth shattering or life changing)
1. You may already know this one but according to experts, the color of 2012 is Tangerine Tango...which is just a fancy way of saying orange. I have no idea who the experts are or why they chose tangerine, but it is a flattering shade of orange. It is sort of a warm, reddish coral color that looks good on most skin tones. So if you want to impress your friends, pull out something orange...sorry, tangerine and tell them it is THE color this year...like officially. Gators fans or lucky ladies who picked up that Premier coral necklace that has been retired are set. If you don't already own something but want to show-off your fashion IQ, think accessories not closet staples in tangerine. A purse or pair of shoes...maybe, a scarf or piece of jewelry should do the trick. You could even just get a pedicure and choose the new IT hue!

2. Tight is not cute. This should go without saying but, sadly, so many seem to think the tighter the better. Well-fitted is NOT tight. Well fitted means it skims your body not clings onto your curves. Once you hit a certain age, only three people should ever know the exact shape of your body: you, your husband and your doctor. I know way too much about some of you.
Here are a few visual examples. Please note I picked plus size models for the dos in all but one picture. The only exception is pregnant actress January Jones, who wears a T so perfectly fitted that she looks cute pregnant not miserable pregnant.

So bad. On the left, both her shirt and her pants are WAY too little and it is making her look bigger. Our goal is not to make ourselves look heavier, is it? And on the right, it's like a topagraphical map of her body. Please just don't!

So GOOD! These looks are flattering and stylish...which is what we all want, right?