Five Things!

1) It has been a little while since I blogged, huh? I write blogs in my head all the time (...a lot while driving actually). Literally, plan them out and phrase my thoughts, ideas and feelings into blogs but never sit down and actually write them...and if I have the time and energy to write them, I forget what I wanted to say. Sometimes, I surprise myself with how often I think in terms of social media...my thoughts often come in 140 characters.
Some of the blogs I didn't write were called "Why Did She Wear That?" "Empty Rooms" "Sometimes You Should Keep Your Mouth Shut" "Lucky Intern" "Sand" "Jealousy of Things God is Blessing" "Really, the Church?" and last but not least, "Put Some Pants On."

2) Seasons of struggle are very isolating. I love that I have a group of women to study the Word with who are willing to love me and offer grace in the middle of struggle whether I share part or all of what I am going through. I love even more that they are willing to share their struggles as well. Confession brings healing (James 5:16)

3) Speaking of James, I think I want to study it at least once a year in some form or another.

4) The study of Nehemiah was absolutely amazing. I will admit to not knowing much about Nehemiah beyond it being a good book to preach through during a building campaign or while training leaders before this study. But what I found was the practical application of the book of James. The study was designed to encourage us to seek out what God is asking us to do (like Nehemiah did). We talk a lot in Bible studies about our purpose in Christ or our destiny...acknowledging that we have one or preparing ourselves for whatever it is, but this study set us on a pursuit of what He is asking of us. As much as I loved it, until the very last week I was pretty much lost. I had no idea what He wanted from me...what is He asking of me? I was frustrated until prayer and study led me to realize that I am doing what He is asking of me right now. He has called me to serve the church...and I am. It was so freeing.

5) Twitter is FANTASTIC. I read somewhere that Facebook is the people you actually know and Twitter is the people you wish you knew =o) I love that because it is so true. I enjoy keeping up with my friends and family on facebook, but I LOVE the opportunity to be encouraged by and exposed to the thoughts of people who are further along on the same path I am traveling. I tend to follow people in ministry and am constantly encouraged by their faith, their leadership thoughts, their struggles. It feels a little like the social media take on iron sharpening iron.

I really hope you're having a fantastic week.


PS - There is at least one blog coming called for Your splendor

Farewell to James

(this post originally appears in Seconds, my fabulous church's blog...but since I wrote it, I felt free to repost it!)

The ladies of the Monday night study spent our last night in James this week...at least together. Here are a few things we've learned...
James wrote his epistle from a different vantage point than any other New Testament writer. We find in the gospels that during the life and ministry of Jesus, James was not a follower...literally or spiritually. He was not present for much of the teaching of Jesus and what he did hear, he didn't believe. But then there was the moment, after the resurrection that Jesus appeared to James. One of a precious few who had an intimate encounter with Jesus after the cross, James was radically changed into the leader of the church in Jerusalem..."the first among equals." He grew up with God, but did not recognize how magnificent a privilege. He knew our Savior. He was deeply loved by our Lord. They were family. His writing is an opportunity to reflect on perfect faith that he witnessed but only understood in hindsight. What an interesting perspective!
Diving in to the text was a challenge. James is very pointed and without excuses. His message is two-fold. Pursue holiness and serve others. I think the main threads of the book are summed up in James 1:27 when he says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. Tall order, huh? James is very much about doing what the Word says. Melissa Fitzpatrick (who wrote some of the study) says James would assert that "you have not adequately read Scripture unless you've done it."
James challenges us to consider trials joy, tame our tongue, practice patience, listen, to speak truth, submit, humble ourselves and remember if you know you should do something but don't, you are sinning. He encourages us to forsake excess for giving to those in need...to be aware of the needs around us and meet them when we can. He tells us to pray. Often. For each other. For ourselves. In sickness. In happiness. In faith.
For me, chapter 4 has taken deep root. James says in 4:4-6 Adulters, do you not know that friendship with the world means hostility toward God? So whoever decides to be the world's friend makes himself God's enemy. Or do you think Scripture means nothing when it says "The spirit that God caused to live within us has an envious yearning?" But he gives greater grace. That passage has stunned me and convicted me. Where do I look like the world? Can you ever tell a difference? When I do look like the world, or sin, it is like saying that I don't think God meant it when He said in Scripture to keep a tight rein on your tongue or be slow to anger and abounding in love or flee from sexual immorality or do not merely listen to the Word but do what it says or ______________. Thinking that I have ever said to the Lord that His Word means nothing broke my heart and challenged me to consider sin saying just that. It is much harder to fulfill my fleshly desire when I consider it telling my sweet Jesus His Words are nothing.
James digs into the nooks and crannies of our lives and demands change. I am praying that my girls and I let the Word of James make deep roots in our hearts so that we may be women of outrageous faith who have deeds to back that faith up!

New Thing

I like to blog but sometimes I feel like I have to have something well written, deep and thoughtful before I can throw my thoughts out there...which leads to blogs never getting written. Hence, my new thing called Five Things.

2012...Resolutions...Goals...Aims...Wants

I hate setting myself up for rebellion. Making resolutions kind of does that for me. I don't believe that rules are made to be broken, but if I can find small ways to break rules, it feeds the rebel in me. So resolutions are quickly broken, not because I can no longer follow through or no longer care, but because it is a small rebellion that really harms no one.
But I do have areas that I want to move toward change in my life in 2012. I feel like sharing those changes even in small ways like in a blog or to my Bible study group holds me accountable. So here is my list:

1) Discipline - I have always been somewhat of a free-spirit. I don't keep a calendar or planner. I am rarely on time, and I often don't think to do basic things. My husband says I live in my own little world (which used to offend me, but now I embrace as part of the unique way God made me). Discipline is hardly a character trait that I naturally possess but having studied discipline a little in one of our Bible studies last year, I realized it is a character trait of God. Jesus is my model in this life. I am chasing after Christ-likeness, so I want to be disciplined. There are several areas in my life I need to strive to be disciplined in. I have a list that began with food and exercise and is moving on to deeper, more difficult areas...specifically prayer and spending.

2) Missional - God has touched my heart and awakened a real awareness and outrage over slavery. I am committed to learning, listening and following the Lord's guidance on how to be intentionally missional in this area. The first thing He is asking me to do is make sure that my consumer voice is heard through the way I purchase. I am having to think hard and have new priorities...I am having to be disciplined in how and where I spend money. We will see where He leads next. I pray I am willing to follow.

3) Prayer - I need a season of prayer. I have so many people who are very dear to me with pressing concerns...which is often true but feels different this time. I feel a call to intercession. Now intercession is not one of my spiritual gifts...it's not even in my top 5 and prayer is sort of a constant state for me and God. We are always in the middle of a conversation. But I feel called to a season of intentional, set aside, extended time of prayer. I am taking the desire to be like Christ in discipline and applying it to this area immediately.

4) This is vastly different from my other goals, but I wanna be a hugger! I actually came to the realization that I wanted to become a hugger sometime in November or December. I am not naturally a hugger, but when I think about the people that I often hug, I recognize a closeness to them I don't feel for everyone. Can a non-hugger become a hugger? Is there a class I can take? What are the rules of hugging? I am most concerned about that awkward time where you try to decide if the other person is receptive to hugging and, by the time you figure out they are, the moment is lost and then you just look stalker weird trying to hug them. Pressure. This is an area I know you can help me with...first, if we have known each other for a long time and I have never hugged you before, please give me grace for the first few times. Second, if I forget to hug you, call me on it. Third, help me out on the hugging rules...do you hug when you see someone and when you leave them or just once during the time spent together...what if you see them 4 times in one day? Is there a daily hugging limit? How well do you have to know a person to hug them? Hugging strangers only if you feel a potential for relationship? What about people you really don't care for? What if someone is dirty? ACK! So many things to consider!

So, that's it! The things that I want to focus on in 2012...or at least this part of 2012 because I definitely want to leave room for God to do an amazing work in another area of my life...there are so many areas that need Him!

One of those days...

It's turning out to be one of those days...

when my spirit is gunked up
when there was too much truth
when relationship is messy
when feelings are hurt
when living in my own little world doesn't leave room for anyone else
when I do things that don't feel wrong but seem to be
when you can't please anyone
when being sorry gets ignored

when I am reminded I have so far to go.

Passion: Life Changing

At Passion 2011, God changed my life. He rearranged my thinking about where I live my life. I don't mean Tampa so much as where I spent my time...where I was dwelling. He seered Psalm 84:10 so deeply into my spirit that I could not escape it until I began living it. I was in a place that did not allow me to live to the glory of God. I began to realize the God has called me to the church (a great realization that I would have done well to clue in on earlier...maybe when I married a minister). I think that I felt like because I was not called to vocational ministry that I could not have been called to the church. Jesus opened my eyes and heart to see that supporting those in vocational ministry is ministry. There is something to be said for paving the way and aiding people that are mouths on this body of Christ. That is what we did as volunteers at Passion. We held the door that let those who came enter into the presence of God. Throughout 2011, I began to see the church as a place to empty myself and realize that there is great need in the church...it is a mission field. When you break down the Great Commission into parts, it asks 4 things of the body of Christ. Understanding that I cannot excuse myself from any part but also realizing that I am only part of a whole body, I am believing more and more that I am called to the fourth task given. Teaching Jesus' commands. My heart is with the church. I rearranged my life to reflect all of this and believe that I am exactly where Christ wants me.

So going into Passion 2012, I had high expectations. I don't know what exactly I expected, but I knew I would be met there by Jesus. Once again, the way that I think has been radically altered. I've realized that there is so much about this world that I am ignorant to that God sees and hates. I cannot remain ignorant and indifferent while ones precious to our Lord are abused, mistreated and enslaved. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. The work of the cross was not just for me...for those in my church...for those that I know. Christ came to set all captives free. How much more for those who are captives both spiritually and physically. 27 millions slaves today. That is unimaginable and horrifying. I am still working out exactly what direction God wants me to go with this heart broken and heavy for those enslaved. For now, I am educating myself and praying for them and the ministries that are heroically laboring for freedom all over the world.

My heart loves the church but yearns to be intentionally missional in the area of human trafficking. I am thankful for a Savior that is also a Sanctifier. I am a work in progress. I remember telling Troy before Passion this year"It can't change your life every year, otherwise you are just a flake." I was wrong. There is still so much work to do on me. God can change my life every year...every day. Please do, Sanctifier.

Our Greatest Struggle

I am becoming more and more convinced that the greatest challenge to a person who chooses to live life in relationship with the Creator and Sustainer of the universe is to pursue that relationship through difficult circumstances. Having faith during difficult times is one thing...a good thing, but being in an active, growing relationship with the only One who can truly change your circumstances is completely different.
It is not in our nature. If someone is repeatedly making our lives difficult, our relationship with that person suffers. Whether the relationship is with your spouse, your child, your parent, a coworker or friend, when one party has the ability to change negative circumstances and does not, that relationship will suffer. It may not end, but interactions will be strained; discussions will be pain filled...maybe, less frequent.
A proper view of God acknowledges that He knows all things, allows all things and can change all things. He is sovereign. He has the first word and the last word in every situation. One who understands God also knows how deeply He loves us. We cannot imagine, explain or escape the love of our Savior. It is without measure.
Knowing both of those foundational truths anchors my faith. Difficult circumstances in our lives seem to run a crash course straight into our belief of those two truths. If God can change my circumstances and loves me deeply, why doesn't He end my pain? From that point, we choose whether or not to have faith in His sovereignty, goodness and love. At some stage during years of maturing our faith, we come to a place when the decision to have faith or not becomes moot. We believe. We trust. There is no question or doubt that He is Faithful and True.
Moving forward in relationship at this point is one of our greatest struggles as believers. We know Jesus. We trust Jesus. We are in an intimate relationship with Him. But how do we pursue the intimacy of that relationship in the midst of painful circumstances...with a list of earnest prayer requests so extensive we don't know where to start? ...when every conversations seems to become tear-filled pleas that have gone without tangible response for what seems like too long to bear? ...when we begin to read Scripture and think "...that isn't true for me"? How do we maintain a good relationship and even pursue Jesus when we are angry at Him?
I have no answer. But I think that James, the brother of Jesus,who knew heartbreak well (most poignantly, the loss of his father at a young age), would say to us:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

I don't think that James is trying to explain why we face trying times or why God answers on His own timetable, but more so, how we should respond to such situations. One more thing that a mature believer understands without hesitation is that our faith is far from complete. No matter how far we have come, we have so far to go. James encourages us to take joy in knowing that Jesus is still at work in us longing for us to look more like Him. He tell us to ask for wisdom as we struggle and not doubt that He will answer our pleas. James gives us the gift of knowing that God will grant us the wisdom for which we ask and that we can stand firm knowing His wisdom is far better than ours. James reminds us that pursuing a relationship with Jesus is worth it because not only will the situation improve so will we in the process.
Hard to live, huh? So true of so much in Scripture. But I've found that every time I choose faith and pursue intimacy with Jesus it is so worth it...every time.